I’ve been getting my nails done regularly at salons for years. It has become routine to sit silently, smile, say “thank you,” tip, and leave. Though I’ve always been respectful toward and appreciative of people working as nail technicians, it wasn’t until I began interning at Civity that I started intentionally connecting with the people sitting across the manicure table from me.
I started by learning the names of each staff member at my salon. Each time I went back to get my nails done, I’d learn more about Joanne, the kind Asian woman who does my nails the majority of the time. Every few weeks when I returned, Joanne would greet me with a warm, welcoming smile. Before I learned about civity, the hour during the manicure would be filled with silence, texting, and a brief “thank you.” Now, Joanne and I fill the silence with conversation. We talk about nails, work, holidays, future plans, and she even teases me.
Recently, after Joanne finished my nails and as I put my wallet away and turned to leave, Joanne slipped a bracelet on my wrist and said, “for you.” I was in shock at this kind, unexpected gesture. She told me she got it from her homeland and wanted me to have it because she knows I like the color green.
Though there is a language barrier, Joanne’s kind actions and my appreciation connected us. Through civity, we began to see each other. Each of our conversations brought us closer together despite our differences. This gesture made my day. The bracelet served as a reminder of how small interactions can make a big difference in people’s lives. It helped me realize the power and importance of civity.
Working as an intern for Civity for the last year has quickly opened my eyes to the type of work and relationships I value and want to pursue; ones that encourage positive change, connection across difference, belonging, and acceptance. Ones that practice civity.
Connection. Intentionality. Vulnerability. Inclusivity. Thoughtfulness. Being yourself. These words are what civity means to me.
Civity has taught me how being welcoming and kind to others, even those you may not know, or those you wouldn’t normally approach, goes a long way. Civity has inspired me to find deep, meaningful relationships through listening to others’ stories and intentionally making others feel seen and heard.
Civity has changed how and whom I approach. It may feel comfortable and familiar to gravitate toward interacting with people who are similar to you in one or more ways, but Civity has shown me that real connection happens from within, after you listen to someone and hear what they have to say. Different experiences and different perspectives broaden our own viewpoints and allow for new considerations and understandings. While story sharing helps us find commonalities and shared understandings where we once saw only difference.
Civity is something I will carry with me every day – when I smile at a fellow student on campus, or when I choose to engage in a small interaction instead of going on my phone to avoid unfamiliar people. Intentionally engaging with others is transformative.