YOU can do civity!
The essence of practicing civity is in the quality of how we interact.
Practicing civity can be in-the-moment and small – a glancing Civity Brush.
Or it can be intentional and robust – an hour-long one-on-one Civity Conversation. Or anything in between.
➤ Civity interactions are intentional and focused on authentic human connection – the head and the heart working together.
➤ You are offering authentic respect and understanding in the hope that your authenticity will be reciprocated.
➤ Offering authenticity to another person who you don’t know that well can be a little risky, and you might feel a little uncomfortable – that’s natural!
➤ Human connection can be authentic even if it is slight or simply adds a new dimension to an existing relationship.
Civity Brushes – casual but meaningful
Civity Brushes are about “micro-inclusion” – small but wise actions that send a message of belonging to another person.
Civity Brushes:
➤ Can be extremely effective with people with whom there is a significant social distance and/or difference.
➤ Identify someone that you encounter regularly, who is socially distant/different from you, who might feel as though they don’t belong in the same way you do.
➤ When you encounter them in the normal course of events, offer an authentic yet small interaction that lets them know that you “see” them as a fellow human being.
➤ Be open to their response.
➤ Reflect on what happened; think about bringing a Civity Brush mindset to other casual interactions.
Civity Conversations – deeper one-on-ones
Civity Conversations happen when we take the opportunity to go deeper one-on-one to get to know someone or connect differently with someone we already know.
Generally:
➤ Start by establishing that you and the other person deeply care about the community
➤ Through storytelling & listening, the Conversations create space for authentic relationship-building
➤ Naming your differences forges connection through difference by means of respect & understanding
➤ Conversations add a horizontal person-to-person thread of connection even within a power imbalance
Before a Civity Conversation:
➤ Reach out to the other person, explain that you’d like to meet for a Conversation
➤ If it helps, say that the Conversation is “homework”
➤ Pick a location where you will both feel comfortable and at ease
Begin the Conversation:
➤ Exchange greetings and share your personal background, briefly explaining why you have sought the other person out for this Conversation
➤ Invite the other person to reciprocate and share a little about themselves
➤ Go deeper; share a heart-centered story explaining why you care about your community
➤ Invite the other person to explain where their civic passion comes from; most often people will reciprocate your “heart story” by telling one of their own
➤ Thank the person for sharing; it’s a gift to you!
Deepen the Conversation:
➤ Explain that you have sought the person out because of a difference between the two of you that you’d like to explore/understand; articulate that difference
➤ Invite the other person to tell you one of their stories about that specific difference
➤ Listen to the other person’s story, being intentional about providing the space for them to tell their story honestly and genuinely; be mindful of your own story, through which you are listening
➤ If it feels right, share a story of your own that focuses on the difference
➤ Thank the person again for agreeing to meet, listening to your stories, and sharing from the heart!
After the Conversation:
➤ Don’t be disappointed if the other person did most of the talking – that means you successfully created the space for that person to be heard!
➤ Reflect on what happened; think about bringing a Civity Conversation mindset to other conversations.